Ever since the start of fourth grade, Zarina and I were best friends.
I vaguely remember a tall, dark girl coming up to me and asking if I
had a sister. The rest is all a blur, but from then on, we were best
friends. Nothing could change that. But I didn't count on what
was about to happen.
At the start of fifth grade, we were still best friends. After a while,
things changed. Zarina started to hang around with two other girls, Deshka
and Elene. This gave me uncomfortable feelings, since Elene and myself
were deadly enemies, and so was Deshka, even though we had been best
friends in third grade.
Now, every recess and lunch was a nightmare. Like a shy duck, I would
follow the three everywhere. They told me I was their friend, but I never
really was accepted into their ‘group.' I hated this feeling
of neglect that I carried round with me so often.
An online argument between me and Zarina erupted, and we were suddenly
enemies. Some of the emails that we sent each other were horribly insulting
at the time, but are now amusing: messages such as ‘you are a wannabe
Barbie' make me explode with laughter.
At the end of fifth grade, we were still enemies. Summer came and then
it was time for middle school. As I had predicted, we were in the same
class. I hadn't expected a welcome back, so I got the shock of
my life when Zarina came up to me and started chattering away as if we
were best friends. I realized we were best friends again. The happiness
inside me fizzed up, and I couldn't help grinning.
But this happiness was short-lived. At around Christmas-time, she started
becoming friendly with two girls: Joselyn, the class nerd and brainiac,
and Ellie, who was, in my opinion, a wanna-be popular Barbie. At the
same time, a new family arrived in town. There were two twins around
my age who went into the class above me. Josh was fun, but I was more
interested in Heather. On the first day that I met her, we were both
extremely shy and we barely talked.
Meanwhile, back at school I was ignored and shoved out of the way. All
of the other girls in my class had their own cliques and friends, so
I hung out with Heather. Things were still rocky with Zarina.
I remember one evening Zarina and I were instant messaging each other.
I dared to ask, "Are we still best friends?" I knew I shouldn't
have asked, but it was too late.
"No," came the reply. My heart felt as if it had hit the
floor.
"So is Joselyn your best friend now?" I held my breath as
I waited for the answer.
"Yeah," came the reply. I couldn't think of anything
to say, so I simply continued the conversation as if nothing had happened.
A few months later, she broke up with them, and we were suddenly best
friends yet again. I didn't know if this was a trick or not but
I went along with it. Then next thing I knew, it was summer--next stop,
seventh grade.
When I phoned her up after vacation, she sounded so enthusiastic. She
literally screamed my name with joy. When I went round to her house before
school started, she gave me a huge hug. We planned our typical day in
class and laughed at jokes together. Our relationship was stronger than
it had ever been before. I was blissfully ignorant of what was soon to
come.
We were in the same class as sixth grade, and this time a new girl arrived:
Sona. I made friends with Sona when she was lonely and had no friends.
Zarina hated her and did not like the fact that I was her friend. We
had a small argument, and then things were back to normal.
After Christmas I contracted conjunctivitis. Suddenly, Zarina started
to ignore me. I was continually isolated from everyone, and I was considered
a nasty contagious bug. Zarina turned against me and started being pally
with Sona. I was always ignored. I began to think bad thoughts of myself,
thoughts like "Geez, was I really that bad as her best
friend?" We lost communication. When we had to send emails, they
were brief to the point of unfriendliness.
I remember one occasion at school when she had a ‘private' talk
to me. As usual, Sona followed. I frowned. It was none of her business!
As Zarina rambled on about dancing club, I felt tears prick at the back
of my eyes. I hated the way Sona stood there listening to every word.
I wanted to shout and scream at her for listening into my private issues. "Right,
OK. Fine," I said when Zarina had finished. Then I dashed out onto
the field and cried out of misery and anger.
I decided to send her an email, but when she replied the worst came. "Sorry,
but Sona is my best friend now..." The email continued, but I didn't
want to read any more. I felt as though an iron fist had punched me in
the stomach. I felt the familiar tears pricking at the back of my eyes.
I lowered my head so no one would see my watery eyes. I hastily shut
down my computer and then dashed upstairs where I sat on my bed and howled.
All I could think was "What have I done to make her dislike me?" I
racked my memory, but nothing came to me. Shrugging it off, I continued
with my life. Zarina never took any notice of me. Her friends were now
people she had disliked when she was my best friend. It was like my worst
nightmare come true. I asked her why she ignored me, but she simply said
it was time for change. In my head my thoughts were all crashing into
each other. "Time for change?! What is she talking about?" I
thought.
Then we had an enormous fight online. Some of the messages we sent each
other were rude in the extreme. Although I won't repeat the messages,
I can say that after that fight, we both hated each other. This time,
I knew it was final. She had her own best friend now, but somehow… I
didn't care. She had done this tactic too many times before. I
wasn't about to let her play around with me again.
I actually felt relieved to have told her all that I was thinking while
I was going through this. I felt as if a huge burden had been released
from me. I was happy that the worst was over. This time, I just shrugged
and accepted the fact that we would never be best friends again. After
all, who needs one more friend who is rude and disloyal?
I have my own friends now, and Heather is my good friend. I hang out
with people from the other seventh grade class. I have my best friends
in Scotland and my best friend in Qatar, and I realize that even though
the circle is broken, I still hold many more that will never break.
No comments:
Post a Comment