Strong, Courageous and Confident

I am only halfway through high school, but I've been through many life-changing situations in the past 2 years. These situations have had both a positive and negative impact on me.

Let's go back to the beginning.

My goals from three years ago compared to my current goals are totally different. In 8th grade, I was the perfect student. I was called a teacher's pet at times, but that didn't matter because my grades were outstanding. Before I graduated from elementary school, my plans were to achieve honors all through high school. Now, my plans are to try to get the credits that I didn't receive in grades 9 and 10 and get my grades back up. I never thought I would end up here, but unfortunately, I was wrong.

When I started high school, I barely knew anyone. I had to make all new friends and adjust to a different learning environment. I was enrolled in a higher program at my school, so it was difficult to keep up with the expectations.

In my first month of grade 9, I made a couple of close friends, and soon enough, I had a boyfriend. It was very sudden, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to balance everything, but I was confused.

During that year, I realized that my marks were very low. My parents were extremely disappointed in me. I lost most of my confidence and self esteem, and before I knew it, doing well in school wasn't even a priority anymore. I only cared about my boyfriend and close friends. Nothing else really mattered. At the end of grade 9, I was missing one credit.

Now the misery.

My grade 10 experience was horrible, and I can't blame it on anyone but myself. The first few months of school went well, and then everything turned into hell. That year started off with my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend. Without a doubt in our minds, we knew we would be together forever. But slowly, my life went downhill.

My boyfriend and I started arguing and fighting, which was unusual for the two of us. When first semester ended, I found out that I had flunked my math exam and didn't get the credit, but summer school was optional.

A month quickly went by, and then I made the worst mistake of my life. I stole from a store and got caught. I'm sorry, SmartGirls; I can't explain to you what was running through my head at the time that I committed that felony. I felt like I didn't even know myself anymore. I was arrested for shoplifting, but the cops gave me an option. They said either I do the time in jail or I do a two-week program to pay off the charges.

I decided to go with the second option. My friend, who committed the crime with me, made a promise with me that we would never tell anyone. Shortly after that promise, my boyfriend found out. I'm still unsure how he found out. When he did, I wished every night that I'd die in my sleep and not wake up the next day to face another problem.

He broke up with me and I cried on the phone with him for hours and hours. It was so hard for me to let him go! At that moment, I discovered that love is the most powerful force in the universe. Without it, this world would be nothing at all.

A week went by and I missed him so badly. I could tell that he missed me, too. When we saw each other in the hallway, he'd stop in front of me, look into my eyes, and then hug me. He didn't hate me; he wanted us to be together, but he was just very disappointed in me.

Luckily, I had my girls there supporting me the whole time. They were there for me through my entire break-up, and I couldn't thank them more.

During March break, my boyfriend and I got back together. The pieces of my broken heart were fixed again, but the scars of emotional distress were permanent. I was going through depression and depended on my anti-depressant pills to keep me going daily.

A month went by and I decided that I needed to get my life back on track, so I threw away my pills and started repairing everything slowly. Things were awkward between my boyfriend and I after we got back together, so I was entirely focused on fixing our relationship. I barely paid attention to my friends, and they all thought that I picked my boyfriend over them.

In second semester, I failed to receive an additional 2 credits. But the English credit I didn't get could be made up in summer school. It was time to end the misery and pain.

The beginning of summer was awful. I had school every day for a month! Sitting in one class for 3 hours every day was torture. I decided that I would make up for math, but take 10th grade English the following year. It was impossible sitting in a 30-degree Celsius classroom with an annoying teacher yelling at me for 3 hours.

It was a bad decision not to make up for the English credit when I had the opportunity, but I did what I did. I fixed everything with my boyfriend and all of our problems are behind us. We are more in love that we ever were even before we broke up. We opened up to each other much more and we've grown closer. I've also made up my mind that next year I will concentrate on school and not make the same mistakes that I did before by making school my last priority.

Doing well in school will repair many things, such as my relationship with my parents, my self confidence and self esteem, and lastly my preparation for university. No matter how hard your life gets, you just need to believe in yourself. Always keep your head held high and don't let anything bring you down. Remember that there is always a way of fixing any problem; you just need to keep an open mind to find a solution.

"I move forward, not backwards. I don't think about the past, I think about the future. I don't have any regrets because they made me the strong, courageous, and the confident young woman I am today."

by Jasmine